The morning after the ‘green monster’…which was Sunday morning…my daughter came over and we moved my grandson into a different room in my house.
Not that I thought it would help or change anything, but that’s what my daughter wanted to do, so that’s what we did.
Now his new room is across from his old one.
Tonight while getting ready for bed (he’s at her house, not here) I saw the green out of the corner of my eye on the monitor.
Different room, plus location of the bed and camera are now reverse from the where they were in the old room. So working with a different angle now.
I have very mixed feelings about this green-ness.
Prior to his dad passing away a year ago, I cleansed my homes on a strict 6 month schedule for about 10 years.
I’ve avoided it now for 12 and a half months.
He talks to his dad often. He points him out, tells me he’s playing with his dad, giggles and laughs from the deepest parts of his belly while he’s in his room..seemingly playing alone.
And this “monster”, he’s not terrified of it. He doesn’t wake up hysterical or frightened. As a matter of fact he tells me he feels sad about the green-ness.
I think the word “monster” is the only word he knows to associate with something green and non human.
So there’s a part of me that doesn’t want to inadvertently send his dad away.
But I also know that avoiding grounding and cleansing my space has lead to a very heavy burden on me. The things that stick to me and follow me back home.
Before his dad’s passing I didn’t have to worry about who stays or goes…they all just had to go!
I mean what does one do in this type of situation… “everyone get the hell out…except for you…you can stay.”
That's Not Me 
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